The music industry is desperate for “the voice of a new generation” as mysterious jazz funk remixes leak from World Surf League headquarters: “Teahupo’o… as the locals prefer to call it”.
“Every shot of the place looks like a crime scene that’s been cleaned up…”
Four days ago, the WSL’s four million Instagram followers received an innocuous promotional spot for the Best and Western in Huntington Beach, California.
Bee-Dubs HB is not Raffles or Four seasons, but what is it? The hotel’s only hot tub is a bit crowded and the water is cloudy at times and the breakfast buffet will cost fifty percent with tip, but you’re on the beach, the beds are clean and the rooms are three times the size of their Parisian equivalent.
In the paid ad, Anastasia Ashley of San Clemente, Queen Bitch on ABC’s The Ultimate Surfer and who appeared in a Sport-illustrated swimsuit number alongside Kate Upton and Chrissy Teigen, gives a little PG POV action in the hotel, wake up, drink coffee, go surfing with friends.
It’s a pretty spot from the noted influencer whose face is as sharp, pointy as a stork’s beak and has the mysterious beauty of things seasoned by storms.
The response from surf fans, however, shocked even the most hardened media pundits.
First, from the two hottest surfboard shapers in the world.
Carissa Moore’s shaper Matt Biolos, “What the hell is that trash?”
John John Florence Fleet Builder Jon Pyzel, “Pro surfing 2022?”
From Tour Notes creator and Kelly Slater teammate Peter King,
“Every shot of the place looks like a crime scene that’s been cleaned up.”
“Well, if everyone didn’t already think the WSL was a joke, I’m pretty sure that sealed the deal.”
“wsl what have you become.”
“Good to see you didn’t fire the creative geniuses who thought ‘The Ultimate Surfer’ was a good idea.”
“I heard this is the new format for the WSL 5 Finals…whoever checks into the most Best Western hotels in the Mid West, with speed, power and waffles to go will be determined the champion of the undisputed world of discount parking, by Chris Cote…”
“HB PD still hitting this @bestwestern for crack and prostitutes.”
“Eric Logan has to go.”
“Jesus christtt. You keep fulfilling Bobby Martinez’s premonition. It’s terribly awful. If it has anything to do with surfing, let me know.
“F*ck ELO and the WSL. What the hell happened to the best surfers in the world, in the best waves in the world???
Anastasia’s response to the fury was typically classy, ”If anyone hates a free breakfast, with inflation, I’ll eat all the waffles I can.”
Why the passionate response, you think?
Is there racism in there that I can’t see?
Or too white?
An intersectional void?
Too asexual given the heat of the cast?
As dear Charlie likes to say, more questions than answers right now.